Emotional Regulation in Motherhood: How to Care for Your Inner World When You're Running on Empty

This week, I headed to the gym, hoping to take a little time to care for myself. I pulled out the stroller for my one-year-old, and my oldest immediately climbed in to escape the hot sun. I understood why she wanted to sit there—the Texas heat was intense. But I knew my one-year-old’s patience was running out. Soon, she would be wiggling out of my arms, screeching, “Walk! Walk!” Trying to save the little energy I had left for my workout, I asked my five-year-old several times to let her sister have the stroller. When she refused, I eventually lifted her out. She cried in the parking lot, refusing to move, and I finally carried her into the gym.

If you are a mother like me, you know these moments. They are woven into the fabric of everyday parenting. Even small attempts to care for ourselves—to exercise, rest, or take a break—can become surrounded by tears, conflict, and competing needs.

How does a mother who is running on empty stay steady, care for herself, and keep showing up for her children?

This is a question many modern mothers ask as they begin the journey of parenting. There is often a pressure—sometimes loud and sometimes unspoken—to be the perfect mother and to be our children's primary source of love and security. While the intention behind this message is about making sure our babies feel special and loved, the pressure can leave mothers feeling overwhelmed, isolated, and burned out.

Somewhere along the way, we have begun to accept exhaustion as a normal part of motherhood. Many mothers have little time to themselves, carry an enormous mental load, and feel responsible for everyone else's well-being before their own. While there may not be one magic solution—because every family and every mother is different—I believe we can have conversations about how to care for ourselves so that we can enjoy both our lives and our children without living in a constant state of resentment or burnout.

Here are a few places to start.

1. Seek Support

Motherhood was never meant to be done alone.

Look for opportunities to connect with others and get support—a parenting group, counseling, a Mother's Day Out program, a trusted neighbor, a gym with childcare, or simply another adult who enjoys spending time with your children. Support doesn't have to come only from mothers in the same stage of life. Some of the most encouraging people may be older parents whose children are grown or adults without children who genuinely enjoy investing in families.

One of the greatest emotional burdens mothers carry is the feeling that they are solely responsible for their children's well-being. That is an enormous weight for one person to hold.

The truth is, you are not going to be the perfect mother—and neither is anyone else. While that realization can feel disappointing at first, it can also be incredibly freeing. You need other adults who can complement your strengths and teach your child things you cannot. While the support will look different for every family, give yourself permission to lean on others to invest in your child.

2. Make Space for Your Feelings

Motherhood can bring joy, gratitude, grief, anger, disappointment, loneliness, and love—sometimes all in the same day. As mothers, we can feel guilty for experiencing feelings other than gratefulness and may push other emotions away. It’s important to give yourself permission to befriend any feeling that comes your way, knowing that emotions come and go and they don’t have to drown us.

Emotional regulation is about learning to experience feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. As we practice sitting with difficult feelings, we begin to learn that emotions can be painful without being dangerous.

Sometimes feelings can be from deeper experiences in our past. It may be that childhood trauma exacerbates our current feelings, and we have to process and grieve things that have happened to us. Perhaps it's the pain of abuse, childhood neglect, sexual trauma, or simply memories of feeling alone or misunderstood. We may tell ourselves that early motherhood is not the right time to bring up painful memories. Everyone is different in what they need, but with the right help and resources, it can be a beautiful healing journey as you notice yourself becoming free from memories and feelings that once felt overwhelming.

You don't have to feel happy all the time to be a good mother. In fact, allowing your children to see a healthy, authentic human being—someone who feels emotions, takes responsibility for them, and repairs after mistakes—is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. It gives them permission to be human, too.

3. Slow Down and Respond to Your Needs

When we're exhausted, it's easy to spend the day pushing through.

Instead, practice slowing down.

Give yourself permission to pause. Eat before you make the kids’ food so you don’t get overly hungry. Sit on the couch for a few minutes if your body is asking for rest, even if your children are asking you to play. Notice when your shoulders are tense, when you're hungry, or when you're becoming emotionally overwhelmed.

Rather than asking yourself, "How do I push through?" try asking, "What do I need right now?"

Sometimes the answer is a snack. Sometimes it's five minutes of quiet. Sometimes it's calling a friend or asking your partner for help. Learning to recognize your own needs is not selfish—it is an important part of emotional regulation.

A Final Thought

Let’s be candid, we don’t have long, drawn-out times to disengage and get away in motherhood. We can still find little moments in our lives to treat ourselves like humans by taking care of ourselves and feeling the support of a community that can also shape and love our children.